Raising Smart Children

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Probability
Everything reduces down to probability. If you want something to happen, you need to make choices that will increase your probability of success. When a person has no plan and things turn out well, it is still probability. Dumb luck happens 10% of the time. But 80% of the time, results are predictable. Good choices increase the probability of good results. Bad choices (and laziness) increase the probability of bad results. No duh! But people make poor choices all the time because it feels good in the short term or because they are too lazy to take action.

If you are still not convinced. Look at Jack Lalanne in his nineties. Then look at the lady next to him who made bad choices. She is in the 80% probability of what happens to people who make those choices.

Probability applies to children as well. A combination of small, repeated events during a child's early years will set the child's demeanor, view of life, and probability for success. Two main categories weave together: nature and nurture. The two are inter-related and interact like yin and yang.

When psychologists and sociologists study groups of children, stereotypes (norm averages) emerge: 80% are within a given parameter, the normal spread; 10% do better (than the norm) and 10% do worse (than the norm). Don't be fooled by the exceptions. When somebody tells a story about a woman who smoked, drank alcohol, and/or used drugs during pregnancy and had a normal (and healthy) baby: it is either the 10% above the norm (dumb luck) or the full story has not yet unfolded. During the Clinton era, one study found that poverty is the result of probablity. The success formula has an order:
 * 1) finish school
 * 2) get married
 * 3) have children.

Those who follow that order have an 80% probability of NEVER being poor even one day. The converse also happens. The poverty rate for any group mirrors the percentage of children born to single mother families. If 50% of the children are born to single mothers, the community poverty rate will be 80% of 50% (.8 times .5) which is 40%. The same probablity can be applied to families. Unwed mothers impoverish families. Adult children that cannot support themselves drain the extended families' resources.

Children that finish their education, then get married, and then have children will have an 80% probability of financial success. Those adult children bring resources to the family and community. When their parents are old, those adult children have the means to help their parents. This is the reason that religions tell parents to educate their children, keep them pure until marriage, and only have children inside a religious marriage. The method works whether you agree with the religion or not. There are always exception. Las Vegas and Atlantic City keep the gamblers coming because gamblers hope to be the exception and win.

When mothers do all the right things (such as the Big 7), they will have an 80% chance of a normal, healthy baby and a 10% chance of an extraordinary, far above average child (a potential Einstein or better). Any mother can raise the probability factor (by her actions and choices) and put herself in the 90% chance (to have a healthy baby).

The lower 10% also happens. Despite doing all the right things, less than perfect children happen. The resilient person (parent) can turn much of it around through nurture. All the actions that 26Blue suggests to create a successful child will likewise improve the success level of the less-abled child. Read the health story of Leroy on the exercise page. 80% of the children like Leroy (whose parents did nothing or very little) are disabled, (10% worse than expected) but Leroy's mother was resilient and pro-active. Her actions and choices put her son into the 10% better than expected.

The upper 10% will happen. A child born not so perfect can have a miraculous turn-around. These stories inspire people to trudge on. 26Blue agrees with them. Be resilient. When you cannot walk any farther, you crawl. That 10% means that there is always hope. In football, they call it a “Hail Mary.” Religions call it a miracle. Never give up. The upper 10% will happen. Temple Grandin was born brain damaged but went on to be a leader in her field and a college professor.

Motto: it is never too soon nor too late to improve one's lifestyle. Obviously, 80 to 90% of the “sooner” people will have optimal results. But those who start later also improve their lives. Quitters have a 10% chance of success, an 80% chance of failure, plus a 10% chance of disaster (worse than expected). You cannot do much about yesterday because it is gone, but you can start today and do better tomorrow. It is never too late to make improvements. Do whatever gives you the highest probability for success. Edison explored over 3,000 theories before he discover how to make the electric light bulb. When it comes to your own child, never give up.

Step 1: Prenatal care
Raise the probability of giving birth to a healthy child: Obviously, a healthy mother has a better chance of having a healthy child. But an unhealthy mother can have a healthy child if they follow The Big 7: Healthy Diet, Strong Immune System, Hygiene & Cleanliness, Exercise, Emotional Balance, Restorative Sleep, Eliminate Negative Behaviors. Read Getting Started

Bad for you and baby (do no eat or drink these negative foods)


 * Alcohol
 * Artificial food colorings
 * Artificial sweeteners
 * Colas
 * Corn syrup
 * Frostings
 * High-sugar "drinks"
 * Hydrogenated fats
 * Junk foods: high fat, starch, and/or sugars
 * Nicotine
 * White bread (better to eat Rice Bread)
 * No Overeating (stop eating before you feel stuffed).

Also read Negative foods

The Apgar gives an instantaneous snap judgement of the child’s health at one minute and five minutes after birth. The Apgar Score evaluates heart rate, breathing, responsiveness, muscle tone, and skin color.

During the 1980s, Nurse J at a large Medical Center, said that the medical staff did not think a newborn could earn a perfect ten until Dr B, a woman who had been a top gynecologist in Russia, moved to California. Dr. B practiced medicine...Russian doctor style. She went to the pregnant woman’s home and looked in the refrigerator. She insisted on a healthy diet, clean environment, and elimination of negative activities. Those women (despite poor health) gave birth to healthy children. (Nurse J said that) Dr B was the first to have newborns score an Apgar perfect ten. Nurture trumped nature.

The Big 7
Healthy Diet, Strong Immune System, Hygiene & Cleanliness, Exercise, Emotional Balance, Restorative Sleep, Eliminate Negative Behaviors.
 * Eat at least 50 grams of protein for breakfast.
 * Eat green vegetables.
 * Take your prenatal vitamins.
 * Do moderate exercise. This is not the time to train for a marathon.  One woman thought she would be healthier by jogging and jogged herself into a miscarriage.

Negative behaviors affect the child's development.
 * Don't smoke.
 * Don't drink alcohol. No amount of alcohol is safe.

Go to the library and read a book on prenatal care.
 * Prenatal nurture will give you a 90% chance of a healthier baby (when compared to your normal daily life).
 * Prenatal vitamins prevent some birth defects.
 * Nurture improves nature.

Breastfeed that baby
Breastfed babies do better in life. One day is better than no days. The first milk called colostrum seals the intestines, provides antibodies, makes the baby healthier. The longer a baby breastfeeds the better (up to about one year). benefits of colostrum

If it is not possible to breastfeed the baby, then at least go for an organic formula without sugar or corn syrup. Corn syrup is said to make holes in the intestines and many other negatives. Add coconut milk to the formula. Coconut, like breast milk, is a superfood, antiviral and antibacterial. Coconut Oil is considered a cure-all remedy.

Environment: nuture improves nature

 * Make eye contact so that you are looking at each other
 * Only let the baby see (and hear) happy emotions
 * Talk to the baby (and get a response back).
 * Sing to the baby
 * Read to the baby
 * Occasionally get the baby to laugh(but don't torture the little thing. Forcing a person to laugh is called Chinese torture.)
 * No sugar or junk foods (no corn syrup).
 * Once a day, give the baby an all-over body massage.

Little Kids
Everything from the last section (you can skip the massage)


 * Have interactive conversations
 * Do sports
 * Do puzzles
 * Color on paper; cut with scissors; work with clay; use toys to make stories;
 * Learn to play piano or violin (start between 4 and 8 years old)
 * As always, starting later is better than never playing at all.
 * Go on outings
 * Teach impulse control
 * Have enforced rules; if you are not going to enforce them then don't make them.
 * Only punish for known rules. If you don't like a behavior, sit down, and make the new rule known.
 * Require children to do chores.
 * Never pay them money for maintaining their own environment like cleaning their own room, brushing their teeth, doing homework, etc.
 * Continue the Big 7
 * Don't allow sugar or junk foods (no corn syrup). Most parents create a time when kids can eat junk (like a party or holiday).  The less junk foods the better.
 * Feed them protein for breakfast, not cereal.

Step 2: Provide healthy food and a healthy evironment.
Good nutrition and organization boosts brain power.

This is no different than what is posted under the diet and health sections.

Include as many Super foods as possible.

The Big 7
Healthy Diet, Strong Immune System, Hygiene & Cleanliness, Exercise, Emotional Balance, Restorative Sleep, Eliminate Negative Behaviors.
 * Eat at least 50 grams of protein for breakfast.
 * Take quality supplements.
 * Teach them to be organized and clean.
 * Exercise.
 * Learn impulse control.
 * Set a schedule. When they have a regular bedtime, they will fall asleep at that time.  Quality sleep improves health.
 * Prevent the child from starting negative behavior like smoking and drinking.
 * Nurture improves nature.

Step 3: First Day of School
This might be nursery school, kindergarten, or first grade. This sets the stage that education is important. Children need to be life-long learners.


 * Have a place to sit with your child like the dining room table.
 * Have a journal to record the following:
 * Ask your child, "What did you do today?"
 * Write it down.
 * The child may not remember anything but that is OK.
 * Ask your child, "What did you learn today?"
 * Write it down. Don't forget to date the entry.
 * Again, the child may not remember anything, but that is OK.
 * Sit with your child and look at all papers sent home.
 * Some of them may tell you what they are doing in school.
 * Write it down.


 * Each day as you repeat this activity, the child will begin to remember more and more.
 * Because you reviewed what was done in school that day, he/she probably will remember it the next day.
 * Children, who cannot remember from school to home, won't remember the next day in school, either.
 * The brain is constantly overwhelmed with facts and images which are mostly discarded.
 * Only by making it important will the brain start to store the information into long term memory.

Once the child starts to remember what was learned in school, you can reinforce it.
 * "You learned the color blue. Can you show me something that is blue?"
 * Make it fun.
 * Praise them for their hard work.
 * Do not say any negative words.

Kindergarten and First Grade are easy to master, and once children are at the top of their classes, they tend to stay there forever. If this practice of daily monitoring class work is continued, the child will accept your help.

For those parents who did not do this: It is not too late intervene when the child starts to flounder (do poorly), but it is more difficult for the child to accept the help.


 * Catch up skills are harder to learn because it is added to current work as well.
 * Let us say that a child has learned everything he/she should have learned in first grade. In second grade, the child only has to learn second grade work.
 * The remedial student is learning both the second grade work and the first grade work. The remedial child needs to learn double the information.

At any point, a person can work hard and accomplish, but the sooner the person gets on-task, the more the person can obtain.

Think of the difference between a 23 year old and a 60 year old earning their college degree. Enough said.

It is never too soon nor too late to improve one's lifestyle, but sooner is better than later.

Step 4: Teach children to be resilient.

 * If at first you do not succeed, try, try, and try again.
 * This is the key to success.

Thomas Edison said that success is 1% inspiration (brains) and 99% perspiration (hard work/resilience).

Don't praise a child for the way nature made them: smart or beautiful. This praise sets the child for failure.

Praise them for something they accomplished. Kids who think that they only genetics, that intelligence is set at birth, won't see the connection between success and effort. Kid, that are praise for actions, learn to work hard.
 * Don't tell the child that he/she is smart; instead praise them for their hard work. They cleaned their room.  They finished their homework.  An action.
 * Don't tell the child that he/she is beautiful; instead praise for good choices in clothing or hairstyle.
 * The kid will tend toward egotism or defeatism.
 * They are quick to give up.
 * They don't learn resilience.
 * Failure is not seen as a personal defeat nor does it make them feel stupid.
 * Teach kids that the harder you work, the smarter you become
 * Place a high premium on learning
 * Be willing to admit lack of knowledge or skill.
 * Read stories about achievements that resulted from hard work.

Step 5: Teach children to be 51% selfish.

 * Respect for self and others.
 * These are the happiest people.
 * 51% selfish is the basis for cooperation and creates balance.
 * 51% selfish creates stong families, communities, and countries. Take care of yourself first, then your family, then your community, then your country, then the world.
 * If something is truly fair, consider the situation reversed; if it is still fair, then it probably is fair.

Initially, 51% selfish sounds bad because caring for others is part of the happiness equation. In addition, nature inately endows all creatures to self-preserve; being selfish comes natural. Society (government, religion, schools, etc) tries to train people to be generous to counter the natural inclination to be selfish. This is the balancing act. Being too selfish or too generous is not good for the child or for society.

Matthew 25: ...ten maidens took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any (extra) oil with them. The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him! Then all the maidens woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out. ‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’

We want kids to share but not to the point of going without themselves. When there is only one item left, your child should not give it to somebody else. Such actions tells the child that he is less important than others. It also tells the other child that he/she is more important than your child. Teach your child to stop at 51%. If there are two toys, then the child takes one for him/herself and gives the other one away. 51% is the balance between neglecting one's own self and being greedy, miserly, and self-centered. Teach your child not to bully or to be bullied. Don't take (steal) what is not his/hers and don't let others steal from him/her either.

One child was the class bully. When questioned by the teacher, the child responded, "My mother said not to let anybody bully me." The teacher responded, "Your mother did not mean that you should become the school bully. It is wrong to bully anybody.  It is wrong for others to bully you, and it is wrong for you to bully others.  Talk to your mother, but if your behavior does not improve then we will have a parent conference." The situation improved. The child needed to learn, "Don't do to others what you do not want done to yourself." Be fair. This has a broader lesson. We think we have instructed our child only to find out that the child misunderstood or twisted our words.

Each year, this teacher asks her students, "Who has the greatest mom, ever?" A couple of hands will go up. Then the teacher asks, "When was the last time your mother cleaned the neighbor's home?" Responses range from complete silence to a kid saying, "My mom does not have time to clean the neighbor's home because she is taking care of our family." The teacher then dissipates the tension, "That's right. It was a trick question because the best mom takes care of her own family.  Anybody who gives the neighbors the family resources (including time) is guilty of neglecting their own family." On occassion, acts of kindness are good but not to the point of self-sacrificing. Airlines instruct all passengers to take care of themselves first (in an emergency), before helping others, including their own children.

''Who is rich? He who is happy with what he has.'' but... If I am only for myself (more than 51%), it is not good. If I am never or rarely for myself (less than 51%), it is not good. 51% selfish is healthy. When a person is 51% selfish, his/her needs are met, and that person is kind to others. Such people strengthen society because they are not a burden on anybody and help others (when it is safe to do so).

There are special circumstances when a person should self-sacrifice: for one's own child. It goes down the generation, not up. Your parents should sacrifice themselves for you, and you should sacrifice yourself for your child. Charity begins at home. If you can help somebody without hurting yourself, of course you should do it. If a baby carriage speeds past you, then you should reach out and save the baby. But you don't take a bullet for a stranger. Why is your life less important? Why should your family cry? Help when you can. Once you have made yourself strong, you will have the means to help others. Your child needs to learn this and live it.

Step 6: Teach children social skills.
Your child needs to interact with others and develop long term friendships. Limit friend time to about 25% because they also need family time which also teaches socialization. Children need private, quiet time. The parameters of sharing are explained in the 51% selfish section. When children interact with others, they learn at a young age what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors are not acceptable. Don't try to problem solve for the children; only intervene (10% of the time) when it becomes dangerous or out of control. Normally, children can solve their own problems.

Teach the child about bad relationships. End the friendship if:
 * feel pressured to do things they don't want to do
 * needs are rarely met
 * feel abused or put down
 * it is not fun

When a child stays in a toxic friendship or as a subdordinate, it establishes a lifestyle that will be repeated until old age. If a child is in this situation, teach the child about being 51% selfish. If the friendship stays toxic, teach the child to RUN (not walk) away. Learning when to end friendships will save the child much grief in life. Everybody needs boundaries; a do not cross this line attitude. Would you keep an employee that steals from you? Friendship can be as strong as family ties and just as destructive too.

Your child's friends say much about the child. Your child has some common bond with her/his friends.

Your child's friends has a great influence. This is not always something negative. For example, one child was very ill with several auto-immune problems. The mother did not want her child to take honor classes in high school and did not tell the child about the entrance exams. After school, the child saw lots of parents picking up their children. She asked her friends, "Where are you going?" They told her about the tests, and then offered to give her a ride. She took the tests and ended up in honor classes.

Step 7: Teach children delayed gratification.
26Blue is sending you to outside websites because they already wrote good articles on the topic.

The Blessing of Delayed Gratification

Delayed Gratification and Children

Step 8: Teach children about money.
Teach your teens about money. It is a life skill. Many adults don't know about money, obviously, because they don't have much money. The way a child thinks about money will determine how much money he/she has. Money and finances are part of being successful.

Read: http://johnsantangelo.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Rich-Dad-Poor-Dad.pdf. Also get a free ebook: http://www.investorzclub.com/2012/03/rich-dad-poor-dad-pdf-ebook-free.html. Obviously, both websites are trying to sell you something, but you don't have to buy.

Suze Orman also teaches finances. A mother sent her married daughter a Susie Orman book. A few years later, the couple weathered almost two years out of unemployment without running up their credit cards.

Step 9: Teach children about limits
Every part of life requires action. A lack of action is harmful. Excess is likewise harmful.

Extremes can be considered mental disorders. Lack vs excess, the two extremes tend to be negative traits. A lack of food is an extreme situation. The solution is More food. BUT, once people have enough food, more does not improve their lives. Over-eating is the other extreme and causes many health problems. Balance lies between the two extremes. Consider: Lazy vs Compulsive. A slob does not clean enough to be sanitary or functional. The obsessive compulsive cleaner drives the family crazy. A student can study too little and fail the course or study to the point that it causes more harm than good. Parents must help children find the balance (between No Action and Excessive Action). A child's room needs to be clean and functional. Their hygiene needs to be clean and functional. BUT when more brings little to no benefits, stop.

Everybody needs to learn when to stop (when it is enough) because excess develops into over-indulgence, and that is a negative fault. Children need shoes but not 100 shoes. The same goes for coats and other possessions. An over-indulged child becomes a spoiled (excessive, self-centered, and immature). Spoiled includes a lack of consideration for other people, recurrent temper tantrums, an inability to handle delayed gratification, demands for having one's own way, obstructiveness, and manipulation. In the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factor, the character Veruca Salt is an overindulged, selfish, bratty girl who is spoiled relentlessly by her parents. Wealth has nothing to do with being spoiled. Well-adjusted children from wealthy families have what they need but not to excess. They have one of each type of shoe (tennis, running, dress, casual, sandals, boot, etc) but not two of any category. Old money, wealthy people know that excess is a form of waste, which erodes resources.

Teaching limits will help your child to be more successful.

Honesty With Self
Within the topic of limits, children need to acknowledge their own faults and mis-deeds. People dwell on the other person's faults and mistakes as if it exonerates themselves. It is normal for a child to think that if the other person is/was wrong that they are therefore not wrong (in the right).

When the child gets into a conflict, parents need to explain the part where the child was wrong. Tell them: "Yes, the other person was wrong to do _______, but you were wrong when you _______. People ignore and deny their own faults.

How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them. Benjamin Franklin

One of the greatest behavioral weaknesses of man is the ignorance of his own faults. Islamic library

And why behold you the speck that is in your brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? Matthew 7:3



Final Thoughts
The internet has many great articles on

The secret to raising smart kids  Read the articles at:  http://www.mindsetworks.com/default.aspx  26Blue.com has not paid for or gone through their program, and 26Blue.com does not like the high price, but the article are correct (and you don't have to buy their services). If a child thinks his intelligence is set by nature, he won't try hard and will shy away from difficult situations. If a child understands that the brain grows and decays, the child is more likely to enjoy a challenge and not take defeat or set back personally.

While eating dinner, explain to your child that we constantly take what nature has and improve upon it. From raw resources (like vegetables). we transform them into something better (such as salads and stir fries). Our measure is not our intelligence, but what we do with it, how resilient (hard working) we are, what skills we obtain.

Proverbs 6:10-11 Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall your poverty come upon you like a vagabond, and your want like an armed man. This passage is saying that our own laziness robs us of our potential and success that we could have had. By our old age, we are the sum of all of our choices. Lazy people have few skills, and therefore have fewer opportunities and choices.

IQ


Note: IQ was never meant to determine intelligence; it measures the likelihood of success in school. And success in education has a correlation to higher salaries. Like any organ or muscle, the brain needs nutrition and exercise (do puzzles, play games, etc). Praise your child for problem-solving; being analytical, thinking outside the box, persistance, etc all build intelligence. Sugar lowers IQ. Breast feeding and good nutrition raises IQ. A person's IQ can change. Keep yours going in the right direction.

Multiple Intelligence
Everybody excels in one or more categories, but nobody exels in all seven.

Seven types of Intelligences.


 * 1) Verbal – read and write. vocabulary rich. likes crossword puzzles
 * 2) Visual – able to imagine colorful images. Easily understands graphs and pictures.
 * 3) Logical-Mathematical – numbers come easy. Good at planning and putting things in order.
 * 4) Bodily-Physical – Hands on. Mechanically intuitive.  Includes electronics.
 * 5) Musical – got rhythm. Some can feel sounds.  A few can see sounds.
 * 6) Introspective – likes solitude. reflective.  explores feelings and thoughts
 * 7) Interpersonal – people smart. Sensitive to others.  Likes teams, meetings, committees, and social events.

Sucessful people regardless of intelligence:
 * 1) make the best choice with the known facts
 * 2) are flexible in order to obtain goals
 * 3) finish whatever is started.

Prescription for a healthy life: Healthy Diet, Strong Immune System, Hygiene/Cleanliness, Exercise, Emotional Balance, Restorative Sleep, Eliminate Negative Behaviors.

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